I’ve been sending emails to The Daily Mail. I wouldn’t usually, but they specifically asked us to.
The British ‘newspaper’ recently put out a request for readers to send in their personal stories and encounters of wokeness gone mad. It read:
Has your school gone pronouns mad? Worried you’ve lost your freedom of speech at your university? Get in touch at wokewatch@dailymail.co.uk
Because I am a true patriot, I have been sending them one every day. They’ve yet to reply, which I think is rude (and woke!), but in case you’ve missed any - here are my first 5 entries, compiled here, just for you.
(if you’d like to see them as and when they come out, my instagram is the best place to fnd them).
WOKE WATCH 1 : Woke Crabbing
When I was a kid we would go crabbing all the time. It was innocent real life educational fun. My son was on a school trip to Devon last month and when he got back I asked him if he’d gone crabbing and he said no he hadn’t because apparently it’s “cruel” and “dangerous” now? Instead they stood around a paddling pool in the garden and scooped out Quorn nuggets with a net. Hardly educational is it? It is true that last year a girl slipped off a rock and banged her head, but we’re all confident that when she wakes up she’ll agree that crabbing is a valuable educational fun activity.
Keep up the good work against the Wokies!
A Frustrated Mum
WOKE WATCH 2 : Woke Royal Mail
I was looking out of my box room window recently, waiting for the postman to arrive with my new air fryer when I noticed something that boiled my fucking blood. As he came down the road, each elastic band he took off the letters, he put back into his bag. What’s going on? In my day postmen would happily chuck elastic bands onto the pavement and nobody said anything because we knew they were better than us. They bring the news from the outside world. Let them litter! I liked seeing a load of British elastic bands all over the floor. It reminded me of my childhood. And another thing, I’m sure you won’t be able to say “postman” anymore soon because of transgender. Fucking disgrace.
A Furious Mum
WOKE WATCH 3 : Woke Cheese
I have been seeing SO MANY woke food products in my local Aldi supermarket. I ignored it up to now but this one was the last straw. I’m so upset.
I bought a block of cheddar cheese that I thought was Cathedral City but in reality it was Aldi branded and had been designed to look similar. But with no mention of cathedrals at all! Last time I checked, London was a Christian country & cheese is a big part of the faith. If I’d have known I was buying atheist cheese I would have never done so. And what’s worse is their refund policy is also woke because I can’t refurn it as I’ve eaten half. What are we becoming?
An Enraged Wife
WOKE WATCH 4 : Woke Zoo
I took my terrible two’s toddler to the terrapin exhibit yesterday at London Zoo and I was shocked! to see that it was closed. I asked the staff “why” and SHE (I know) said they were being treated for an infection off site. When I was young, terrapins, turtles, and all those other types of ugly water animals were MUCH TOUGHER. They didn’t need to be carted off for a runny nose. My toddler was devastated and said to me “Mummy, why are the terrapins so woke now? Why can’t they have more work ethic? Maybe we could read them for Ayn Rand?” Cute, yes. But Imagine having to explain it to her! Horrible stuff
A Fuming Mother
WOKE WATCH 5 : Woke Bus
I am fuming. I just got off of a London bus and have the worst experience of my life to date. I have been getting the 73 for years now with no problems, but today I noticed a weird sound - like the engine had stopped working. I asked the driver what was she wrong and she (I know!!) said that the bus was “hybrid” which means half the time it runs on electric. I thought the metropolitan wokies were all about consent? Where was mine when I had to pay my £2.20 to ride a real, biological petrol bus? If I wanted electricity, I’d lick a plug socket (although you’re probably not allowed to do that now neither). Thanks Sadiq!
A Devastated Neice
If you’d like to send in your own entries to The Daily Mail’s ‘WOKEWATCH’ you can do so at wokewatch@dailymail.co.uk - they did, literally, ask us to.
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