I used to have a bad memory, and it caused me a lot of issues. Once, I forgot that I had children and completely forgot to pick them up from school. They were fine, of course - but it became a worry. I started to forget everything. My phone number. My favourite foods. My name.Β
But now, when I look back on it - it wasnβt so bad. Ignorance is bliss, some say.Β
What I wouldnβt give for a bit of memory loss now. What I wouldnβt give to live solely in the now. But I canβt. Now, I remember all of it. Every last painful detail of my life previous. Every kind turn and every - single - painful - misdeed. And the life before that, too. I was a better person there, but not by much. I never physically hurt anyone, but I caused my fair share of heartache.Β
And now? Now I cannot hurt anyone. Maybe a small fish or two, if Iβm lucky. The forward momentum of my life is but a memory. Only sideways now. I know I am a crab, and that is my curse.Β
No other crabs know their crabness. I know because I ask them.Β
I am in hell.Β