Trans People are Nowhere
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You’re sitting in front of a television, with a remote control in your hand. It’s not your TV (you probably don’t own one - you probably just watch Japanese anime on Netflix on your laptop through a VPN) it’s your dad’s - and he’s got Virgin (or Sky) which he can afford because he has a pension (big deal).
The TV has over 900 different channels (well, let’s say 800 if you account for, and subtract, all the ‘plus one’ channels, paywalled softcore porn, shopping networks & GOD TV variations). Either way, the point is - there are loads. You start to scroll through them all, chronologically - starting at BBC One. I want you to count how many trans people you see. They don’t have to even be talking - they don’t need to be expressing themselves. They don’t need to be talking inspiringly about their right to exist with dignity or anything gay like that, they just need to be there, physically. I have played this game, and I guarantee you - you can do it all darn day and not see one single trans face. That is normal, currently. That is the state of things. The UK zeitgeist. For the most part, trans people are nowhere.
Yes, every now and then one of us breaks through. Yes, a conventionally pretty, passing trans woman will be on an advert sometimes, selling an iPhone or crunching down on a Dorito at a party - but is that actually meaningful progress? What little strides we’ve made in corporate domains like that are quickly drying up anyway, since a lot of brands are distancing themselves from ‘queer shit’ now. Trans people eat Doritos? Ew! No thanks!
Ok I’ll concede, there is some trans representation right now. Big, mainstream stuff! There’s a weird musical out about a transsexual cartel boss who doesn’t seem to actually appear on any of the posters, and yes, Squid Game season 2 just released with a ‘trans’ character not actually played by a trans woman but instead some dude in a bag wig. Oh boy, we’ve got it made!
This isn’t an attempt to delegitimise the trans representation that HAS managed to make it to the screen. There are many talented trans people out there making strides, but - by no fault of their own - it just isn’t enough. We are still VERY MUCH at a place of tokenism. Our presence is, for the most part, still entirely gestural. This is the fault of producers and directors, who for the most part are cis, and cowardly. A trans person appearing on British TV right now is rarely a full, complete person. Instead they are a symbol - a way for a TV Channel or a production company to gesture their support, rather than to actually GIVE it. A trans woman’s presence is always uplifting, fleeting and generally dishonest - choosing mushy, saccharine cis-feel-good-ism over any actual, meaningful insight into our experiences, as we see it.
I guess I had hoped that trans representation might have reached a bit more of a natural place by now - as it has done with some other minority groups - but I’ve come to realise that we’re nowhere near it. Not only is it perfectly acceptable for us to be routinely excluded, it’s also perfectly acceptable to continue hiring and platforming known transphobes - be it on panel shows, as presenters, in writers rooms, or as actors on set - so a lot of the time, even if we COULD make it through, would we even really want to?
What I’m trying to say is, the mainstream British media has manufactured a veneer or trans representation. These crumbs of so-called ‘baby steps’ that we are supposed to be grateful for - that we’re supposed to believe will lead to more - they’re an illusion, carefully positioned to keep us down. It might sound self-defeating, like I’m simply not able to ‘play the game’ but it simply isn’t enough for me. I don’t want to see it anymore. It’s soul crushing.
My inability to ‘play the game’ only comes from years of trying to play the game and failing to do so. I don’t like any games - board games, sports games, war games. They’re all boring to me. What I like is - to feel like a part of the world. And it’s really, really difficult to feel like a ‘part’ of it, if you don’t see your experience reflected back to you.
It’s difficult, as a trans person, for me to look at British TV right now and think - yeah, I want in on this. And that pains me to admit, because for a long time it is what I wanted.
But as I scroll through those 800 + channels, over and over again, past the same cis faces and transphobic panel show hosts, I can help but think: they don’t want me there anyway.
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They might not apparently want you Jen but I for one fuckin do want to see you conquer telly and be funny as fuck.
Not much I know but for what it's worth I’m a fan.
They're a buncha bullshits, as NY Jen might say.
TV in general - particuarly British TV - seems to be entering a terminal phase anyway. I used to want to do stuff at the BBC / ITV / C4 or whoever, but for me at least that impulse is completely gone.
Instead we have essentally empty signifiers of broadcasters, who wave around achievements made by previous generations as if the current lot were somehow also responsible. Broadcasting has changed from a medium that meant something - as compromised and broken as it could be - into what feels more like an absurdist scam.