Top 5 Coolest Laurence Fox Moments
11.08.23
Laurence Fox is a cool guy, no one would dare deny it. He’s demonstrated it, time and time again - be it singing his cool songs on the Jeremy Vine Show, drunkenly (cool-ly) burning LGBT Pride flags in his cool garden, or making the ground breakingly cool decision to single handedly repopularise blackface for the current generation. If ‘Cool’ were a town, Fox would be its mayor.
But did you know that Laurence Fox’s career as a coolness cultivator goes way beyond these mainstream examples? With that in mind, here are five slightly lesser known examples of Laurence Fox exuding maximum cool that you might not have heard about (until now).
Number 5 - That Time Laurence Fox Claimed To Have Slept With The Ghost Of Winston Churchill
Laurence Fox is known for his unwavering love of Britain, its colonialist history and of course, fine cigars. In the year 2020 though, he took this obsession one step further when he organized a special, one off Reclaim Party Seance Event. Although it wasn’t filmed, first hand reports suggest that during the spectacle, the spirit of war time prime minister Winston Churchill was brought forth, to which Fox proceeded to seduce the famous ghost with erotic dancing. Apparently, Laurence Fox & the ghost of Winston Churchill made passionate, disturbing love for several minutes, only coming to an end when the ghost of Churchill overstepped one of Fox’s personal boundaries - to not be kissed or looked at directly in the eyes. Irritated, Fox banished the ghoul back to whence it came and swore never to host another erotic seance again.
Number 4 - That Time Laurence Fox Ate A Whole Box Of Tide Pods To Prove He Isn’t Woke
In 2018, at the height of the TidePod Challenge craze, in which many teenagers were eating poisonous laundry pods, Laurence Fox announced on his social media platforms that he would be consuming an entire packet of juicy TidePods to prove, once and for all, that he is “harder than any teenager now, or ever.” Fox then filmed a Youtube video which featured him appearing to eat over 50 TidePods, one after the other, before falling onto the floor and hunching over in cool, cool agony. The last words heard before the camera cuts to black were “...who’s woke now, you spotty little Dickensians”. Of course, Fox did manage to survive the ordeal, and proved to everyone how not-woke (and cool) he is.
Number 3 - That Time Laurence Fox Lived In A Sewer For Year
Although it’s never been definitively proven, it’s generally understood that Laurence Fox lived in a sewer for a year between the years 2009 & 2010. It has been confirmed that his beautiful manor house was empty for the entire year, and many reports were made to local police that a ‘scraggly, gurning male’ was spotted giggling beneath highstreet drains. Many of the testimonials also say that ‘an entire family of poshos’ were witnessed ‘screaming and rattling chains down there’. When questioned about it on Question Time last year, Fox categorically denied the accusation - however recently a makeshift home was discovered in one of the sewer pipes, featuring over 50 posters of Billie Piper pinned to the sewer walls. Now that’s cool.
Number 2 - That Time Laurence Fox Popped One Of His Own Testicles With A Metal Nutcracker To Own The Libs
This one is really cool because no one knows exactly how or why this came about. In 2007 a video appeared on the shock site ‘LiveLeak’ appearing to show a man who looks a lot like Laurence Fox, sitting in front of a Christmas tree, with one of his testes sitting in a metal nutcracker. As the video rolls, the man (who may or may not be Laurence Fox) is heard saying to camera ‘I’m Laurence Fox, it’s Christmas Day, I’m all alone, and I’m going to pop one of my balls to show you that I’m not a lib!’. The man, who for legal reasons we cannot be sure actually is Fox or not, then proceeds to squeeze the mechanism. A deep, bassy crack is heard before the man cries out in pain and collapses onto the floor (but in a cool way).
Number 1 - That Time Laurence Fox Denounced His Own Prostate
Just a few days ago, Laurence Fox declared that he’d be having his own anus sewn shut - as an act of protest against his prostate. Fox, who has spoken out many times against his own prostate, said to The Sun newspaper on Tuesday: ‘I just hate him. My prostate, I mean. People say it’s the male g-spot, but I refuse to believe that. I’ve never had anything up there, and I’ve never wanted to. So, I figure I might as well have it sewn shut.’ When asked how he was planning on going to the toilet, Fox simply said ‘I have servants to do that sort of thing for me’. Fair enough, cool guy!
And there you have it, 5 lesser known times where Laurence Fox was cool as all heck. Can you think of any other cool Laurence Fox moments? Leave them in the comments and maybe we’ll include them in our upcoming ‘Top 1,000 Coolest Laurence Fox Moments’ article.
Thanks for reading this article. If you’re interested, I also write an (almost) daily ‘Secret Diary’ that is only available to paid subscribers. Please consider becoming either a paid, or a free subscriber to stay up to date with everything I write.
You can also find more fun stuff at www.jenives.net