Too Late To Go Back?
09.08.23
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my internet presence. When I was a teenager, and our household got the internet for the very first time, on a crappy Windows 95 with AOL dial up, I felt like I was entering a wonderland. And to be honest, I was. I didn’t fully understand what the internet even was. How did it come on a disk? What was the difference between a download and an upload? Did I need a passport to enter this ‘Geo-City’ I’d been hearing so much about. Today though, things feel so much less magical.
As a comedian, and a writer, and an attention seeker, the internet is an invaluable tool for sharing a version of who I am. I’ve used it to build a small, but dedicated audience, and I value that greatly. But sometimes (seemingly more often than I’d like) I find myself not being the internet-version of myself that I want to be. Somewhat out of necessity, I’ve found myself in opposition to large groups of organized, shitty, anonymous people who mobilize frequently to poke at me. And I take the bait every time. I find it really difficult not to, and ‘being a bit of a cunt’ has now become a defense mechanism. That isn’t to say I’m particularly affected personally from the constant back and forths, if anything - what is most frustrating is how much of my time it can take up. When I call someone a cunt on the internet, I don’t feel bad about it, I just wish I were doing anything else.
I’m not making any extreme claims right now about ‘leaving the internet forever’ or turning over any sort of ‘new leaf’. I’m just telling you what’s been on my mind lately. The funny thing about websites like twitter is, I can have 12.5 thousand ‘followers’ on there, but when it comes to the crunch and I need to fill seats for a work in progress London preview, I get a lot better results sending out a newsletter to my 80 subscribers, or posting it to my 25 Patrons. Which really makes me wonder if social media outlets that encourage daily (if not hourly) posting are really that useful to someone like me. I don’t think the hour to hour version of ‘Jen Ives’ is as compelling or as well put together as the one who takes their time over a week, works on things, and puts together a solid product to send out.
I often wish I had maintained a bit more mystery in my career up to now. The problem with that though, is that we don’t live in a time period which rewards the hermetic artist. Any producer these days will tell you, from under their huge pile of dollar bills, that if you’re not on TikTok, you’re not on the damn radar, Kid. I think a lot of comedians today feel deeply distrusting of that, and even the ones who’ve managed somehow to tap into a lucrative avenue there, secretly resent it.
What I’m doing at the moment is, I’m experimenting with redirecting all my different online spots back to one simple location. Specifically - jenives.net. I want to have as few places as possible to find me. I know it’s old fashioned, but yes - I want you to join my mailing list. Principally because I actually enjoy writing it (as I do this blog, also). I want to be in a position where deleting twitter doesn’t feel like a stupid decision, because at the moment - being there feels ridiculous.
Again, no big crazy decisions right now. I just want a more direct communication with the people who are actually interested in the internet version of me that I like. The original internet version of me, not the defensively cunty one.
And don’t get me wrong, I still want to be a little cunt. I just want to do it on my own terms, with a bit more thought behind it. You understand, don’t you?
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