Toast | Bumped
Some extracts from my diary this week
Toast
You’d think, as a 34-year-old woman, that I’d be used to my toast popping up in the toaster – but I’m not. That’s just the truth of it. Even though it was me who put the bread in it, and it’s me who has been consciously waiting in the kitchen for it to pop up – because I’m hungry – when it does, it still makes me jump – almost every single time. I don’t know if it’s bad nerves or what? Maybe they just need to invent a slow-release toaster? When you think about it, there isn’t really any need for the toast to evacuate so quickly like that, especially when it’s been just fine for the last two minutes… what’s another couple of seconds? I want a fade-in, not a hard cut to the morning.
Bumped
Yesterday, while on my way to work, I popped into a Sainsbury’s Local to get a cinnamon whirl, which must be the sugariest pastry they have because it’s the one I always go for. While I was lining up at the self-checkouts, I noticed a man who kept trying to enter the store - but as he did, various members of staff broke away from whatever it was they were doing, and instead called out to their colleagues to help them rush over and shoo him out, like some big, skittish housefly.
Because the staff didn’t seem to want to touch the man, their technique wasn’t very effective, and he managed to get into the store with ease. A short woman with red-dyed hair, who could only have been her late 20’s, came rushing over. I think she must have been the manager, because she had a lanyard on, and was much more confident with her attempts to get him out of the shop, her arms bent into a sort of horseshoe, using them as a meaty plough to move him away from the meal deal crisps.
The man seemed upset and agitated, and forcing his way over to the self-checkout area, grabbed himself a fluorescent orange plastic carrier bag. He clasped it close to himself, and one of the staff members shouted out “No! You have to pay for that!”. More agitated than ever now, he barged into me, nearly knocking me over. Again, a staff member piped up with “Look, you’re assaulting our customers!” and I thought – hold on a minute, don’t drag me into this. I’m not ‘one of your customers’ and I definitely don’t feel ‘assaulted’ just bumped. If this is assault, then TFL owes me a fortune. I’m just trying to get a cinnamon whirl. I’m definitely not on your side… the man left the store with his orange carrier bag, which I imagine was more of an ‘on principle’ impulse snatch, as opposed to what he came in for. Either way, for whatever sad reason, he clearly needed it more than they did, and I hope it brings him some comfort in some way, somehow. Plus, they used to be free anyway.
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