JK Rowling - Gay Icon

My Wild Night Out On The Town With Joanne

When I was asked to interview JK Rowling, I hopped at the chance. Her magical “Worst Witch” books are hot favourites with my children (Emmy, 11. Cordelia, 7) and I knew that if I didn’t go and meet her, they’d simply never speak to me again - and I’ve only just managed to get them back. 

Rowling is currently doing the rounds promoting her new children’s book “Cormoran Strike Junior” under her gender-bending pen-name Robert Galbraith. The new series follows his/her pervert killing super spy in his early years at the academy. The much anticipated thriller introduces us to Strike when he first joins the organisation - the youngest ever member to enrol at only 4 years old, Joanne / JK / Robert / Mr. Galbraith promises a rollercoaster ride of a children’s book, which chronicles Strike’s first kill at age 5. But with pictures. 

It’s 2pm and surprisingly, Joanne has asked to meet at the popular Soho gay bar, G-A-Y. She greets me with a hug and lights up a cigarette as we sit down. She compliments my dress, and then my eyes. And then my bum. I am flattered. She is wearing a t-shirt which reads “Lesbian : Noun. Adult Human Female Who Sleeps With Adult Human Females”. Then I understand - maybe it’s not so surprising that we are meeting at G-A-Y. Over the past year or so, Joanne has become an outspoken advocate for gays, lesbians and bisexuals who actually prove they really are bisexual. She has shown unwavering support for prevalent gender critical gay organisations, and it makes perfect sense for her to want to meet here. She confirms this, by telling me that most of her friends now are gay men:

“Oh yes, I adore the homosexual male. They’re camp as tits, aren’t they? YMCA and Michael Barrymore and aids and such. And they adore me! In fact, there’s a drag queen on here later. He’s called Gloria Holes. What a riot!” 

The t-shirt makes sense. Lesbians across the globe have embraced JK Rowling for her outspoken defiance against annoying, vulnerable groups of “trans” people. As I’m writing for a mainstream broadsheet, I should say that I am impartial on this extremely divisive issue, however what I will say is, is that I don’t much like trans people either. I ask Rowling how she’s found becoming a lesbian icon.

“Oh, it’s positively hooteous”. 

Hooteous? She laughs, and says it’s a word she invented. One of hundreds of nonsense words she’s crafted over the years. Many say she’s the reincarnated spirit of Shakespeare. She guffaws hooteously at this.

“Oh cripes! Can you imagine? Well, it’s possible I suppose. Anything is possible really, except gender identity of course. Did you know that Shakespeare was a homosexual man?”

I tell her I didn’t.

“Oh, well - that’s what Stephen Fry told me. And he’d know!”

We both laugh, and she places a hand on my leg. I ask her what she’s doing.

“Showing you a good time” - she whispers. 

Well, dear reader - the night was unbelievable. We danced, and we sang. I can only remember it in bits and pieces, but at one point Joanne climbed onto a table, screamed “I am the Queen of the Homos!”  and then leapt off into the arms of a sea of same sex attracted males and females. And that was the last I saw of her, as she sank into the mass of pulsating, sweaty bodies. 

I got home at an unruly 11:30pm, and by golly did I wake up the neighbours. 

Cormoran Strike Junior : Toddler Against Treason, is available in all book stores 3rd June