Jens Secret Diary UNLOCKED
First published: Saturday 22/02/22
This is a very old secret diary entry from last year. It was a paid exclusive up until today, because I think well over a year is time enough to start releasing them publicly. If you’d like to read more recent diary entries now, then please consider becoming a paid subscriber (it’s very cheap!) or else, you’ll have to wait another year or so, I guess?
Also, I’ve taken the liberty of annotating this entry with updates / thoughts etc - which is fun.
Jens Diary
[Formally A Substack Paid Exclusive]
Tuesday 19/02/22
The Queen has Covid. The Royal Covid 19. News reports today were pretty keen to remind us that Queen Elizabeth the II is triple vaccinated, and therefor impervious to death. She will never die [Jen’s annotation from 71/09/23: The Queen actually did die. She is now dead.] - and even if she does leave her physical body - she will still reign over us for all eternity from her heavenly throne, with Jesus and Derek Acorah by her side.
When she dies, Britain is going to be deranged. I feel like as a nation we’ve just become comfortable now with looking like twits. Great Britain is now “mask off” with it’s innate goofiness. We’re stubborn, and bigoted, and subservient and petulant and resentful and insecure. Grown men and women will weep in the streets, without giving one thought as to how Europe sees us.
[Jen’s annotation from 71/09/23: This turned out to be true, like all my predictions.]
We’re also apparently going into WW3 (World War III). Well, that’s what Twitter says anyway. It’s not the first WW3 scare I’ve lived through in my life so far - people are really jonesing for it. I get it - rule of threes. It’s neater, and comforting. But sometimes when telling a joke, it’s best to subvert that rule and just stop at 2. Oh, and in war too - probably. [Jen’s annotation from 71/09/23: Sometimes, comedians will go over the rule of 3, sometimes as far up as 5 or 6 - in that style where it’s not funny, but then funny again etc. that’s fine for comedy, but not war - war is never funny.] Anyway, like every other current political issue I don’t understand anything that’s going on with Russia and Ukraine. I recognise the term “Soviet Union”. The Beatles wrote a song about it or something didn’t they? I’ll wait for the Ken Burns documentary - he always bullet points it all nicely.
I went on a date the other night. It was nice - we got on well and ended up sleeping together at mine. Here’s the wild bit, though. When we initially matched on the app I assumed he was a stranger (because that’s how the apps work, traditionally). But after we got to chatting a bit, it started to piece together, and I realised I was [Jen’s annotation from 71/09/23: THIS PART HAS BEEN REDACTED FOR ANONYMITY]
It’s far too soon to know if it’ll develop into anything more [Jen’s annotation from 71/09/23: It didn’t!] - but it was good to let off some steam. I’ve had some really bad luck with guys lately, and he was really nice.
Speak soon - Jen x
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