Jen Ives’ 2023 Celebrity Death Predictions

Happy new Year! It’s 2023, and in what I am hoping to be a new, and long running yearly tradition - here are my 5 celebrity death predictions for the upcoming 365 days.

Jen Ives’ 2023 Celebrity Death Predictions

1) Dave Hampton (co-inventor of the Furby) 

Cause of death: Unknown exactly, but he will die peacefully, in hospital, surrounded by his demonic creations. 

2) Richard Dawkins

Richard Dawkins will die in March, at a dinner party in Shropshire. 

Cause of death: The famous atheist and evolutionary biologist will have slightly too many martinis, and fall down the stairs while trying to chase a small dog around the house. 

His last words will be ‘I’m going to slap that little dog botty!’

3) Sting

The music maestro Sting will die on the 25th of December, 2023. 

Cause of death: Gets trapped in own oven. Cooked, and served by mistake. 

4) Woody Allen

Woody Allen will die midway through this year, on the set of one of his films in France. 

Cause of death: Woody will slip on a loose cobble and fall into The Seine river. He will be saved, and resuscitated by Richard Kind, however Richard will not stop his resuscitations despite his co-star Emma Stone trying her best to pull him off. Allen’s cause of death will ultimately be recorded as ‘suffocation under the lips of Richard Kind’. 

The film’s directing duties will be completed by Roman Polanski. 

5) Bill Hicks

That’s right, the favourite comedian (and truth teller) of the straight white man wasn’t actually dead at all. Like Andy Kaufman and Tupac before him, he faked his own death and is planning a comeback. Unfortunately, right before said comeback he will die anyway - for real this time. Oops!

Cause of death: Unknown allergy to pineapple.